Code-talkers

Sometimes I feel like I am on the Jo Pressimone Speaking Tour of East Africa. Everywhere I go, I end up addressing large crowds like some sort of visiting diplomat. Of course, I am very happy to have any opportunity to express my gratitude to the people I am meeting for their warm welcome.

Usually, I am either speaking to congregations after Mass or groups of school children at the Missions I am visiting. I love talking to the kids, because they have absolutely no idea what's going on. All they know is that there is a mazungu in their school!!! They assume that every white person speaks English (I feel bad for our friends from Europe in these situations), and they are extremely eager to show off the little bit of English they have learned in school so far. In Tanzania, English is less wide-spread than it is in Kenya, where English is the National Language, so the kids have even less context for the strange words and sounds they are learning. The nursery school children learn English phrases the way Hogwarts students learn incantations- you just try to imitate the sound as much as possible and hope it is some how relevant.

In order to have and kind of back-and-forth, you need to speak very specific words in a very specific tone of voice in a very specific order, or else all you'll get are blank stares. Sometimes the pattern changes from school to school, so it feels like I am trying to crack open a voice-activated safe. Also, the children all shout their responses in sing-song unison. Here is a typical conversation:

Children: GOOD-MOR-NING-MAD-AME.

Me: Good Morning.

Children: HOW-ARE-YOU?

Me: I am fine. How are you?

Children: I-AM-FINE-THANK-YOU-YOU-ARE-WELCOME

At which point the children sit down in their seats. If there is another person there to address, they will then stand back up and start the conversation from scratch.

Children: GOOD-MOR-NING-FA-THER.

etc, etc.

Of course, these are the only phrases they know. No matter what time it is, they will always greet you with "Good morning", and you can never be anything other than "Fine" or they just won't know what to do with you. Hopefully when I come back I will be able to engage them in some bit of banter about the weather. But I would probably just be better off learning Kiswahili!